Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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