fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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