He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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