I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
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You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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