I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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