Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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