I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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