You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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