something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
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Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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