This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
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NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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