at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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