my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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