i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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