Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
this boner is exhausting
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Randomize
Follow @tfln