to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
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The chlamydia really affected his face.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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