Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize