you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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