Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.

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  (804): my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it. http://tfl.nu/l9cy
  Replies (18) Good night (4504) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool

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  (253): dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool http://tfl.nu/jdq1
  Replies (5) Good night (460) Bad night (2562) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"

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  (401): So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection" http://tfl.nu/al1v
  Replies (20) Good night (712) Bad night (5261)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich

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  (240): shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich http://tfl.nu/bipz
  Replies (78) Good night (2336) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.

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  (504): Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words. http://tfl.nu/6lei
  Replies (35) Good night (928) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.

  (801): View more from Utah

  I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!

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  (801): I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high. (1-801): We could get him to build Inspector Gadget. (801): I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!! http://tfl.nu/5lpc
  Replies (31) Good night (6901) Bad night (608)
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  (707): View more from California

  I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.

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  (707): I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday. http://tfl.nu/uhpk
  Replies (26) Good night (4276) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled

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  (281): His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled http://tfl.nu/gplx
  Replies (20) Good night (915) Bad night (4190) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.

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  (530): She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth. http://tfl.nu/q63e
  Replies (10) Good night (796) Bad night (3447) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town

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  (443): Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town http://tfl.nu/3b43
  Replies (1) Good night (2002) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"

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  (530): He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?" http://tfl.nu/zkkw
  Replies (6) Good night (1646) Bad night (2427) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.

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  (303): just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room. http://tfl.nu/ss1c
  Replies (19) Good night (2481) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field

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  (410): In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field http://tfl.nu/414b
  Replies (12) Good night (1267) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom

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  (616): Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom http://tfl.nu/uno6
  Replies (8) Good night (1245) Bad night (381)
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  (+81): View more from

  And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.

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  (+81): And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through. http://tfl.nu/ei8m
  Replies (1) Good night (541) Bad night (203) Order T-Shirt

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