It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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