I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
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We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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