anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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