Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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