Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
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I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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