the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
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You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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