What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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