Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Girls should come with a carfax report
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize