Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
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i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
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I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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