somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
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Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize