Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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