you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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