You can't motorboat a personality
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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