Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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