It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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