And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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