Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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