Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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