Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You were trust falling into bushes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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