i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
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He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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