Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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