He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
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Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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