Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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