My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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