I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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