this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize