True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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