this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize