Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
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I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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