I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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