hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
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come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
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I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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