I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
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Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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